kenobi: (TB: Sookie Quiet)
What a rollercoaster I am on. I've got my list in a row, and I'm completely capable of accomplishing it. I've gotten myself into school without help. I've paid for it without help. I crossed the country to start over and find a life i want to live with the promise of a couch and love for who I am. There is nothing I can't do without a little determination. Miracles aren't something that just happen, miracles are something people make happen. I could spend my days lamenting about the lack of help emotional, financially, and physically throughout my life, but I choose not to. I can consitently dwell on the things that were not done in my favor, but I don't. I would not be here without them. I cannot bring myself to be bitter over the moments that brought me to this room, to this house, to these people, to this hour. I am grateful for every last moment. Every last beating. Every last smile. Every last breath.

I thank whatever invisible force is at work for being alive when there were moments that could have ended me. I thank whatever diety reminded me that no matter what its up to me to turn around my life. Me, and only me. No one else owes me anything. No one else is obligated to clean up my mess. I thank those who have been with me every step of the way, offering their words of wisdom, aiding me on my path, and then leaving me to make decisions on my own proving my own self worth in the process. I'm just having a moment where I am overwhelmed by the mere idea of how many people believe in me and my capabilities.

And by george I will prove their faith right. Because I can. Because I owe it to myself to have their faith rewarded. To follow that dream, and then to share it. I will get there, wherever I am going with my chin held high. Because my friends believe in me, and most importantly because I finally believe in me. And because we both deserve to have that faith rewarded.

I can do this. If it means not going out as much. So be it. If it means not buying that dvd box set or spending that extra dollar at lunch. Then its what I have to do. I will get into school, and I will get a car. Because I can. Because I am capable. Each one of us is. You can either dwell on things that will never be, or learn to move on. Right now, I'm moving on. I am strong.

And by god I will have a car and the second draft of my novel done by the end of summer so help me.

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kenobi

December 2011

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