Beyond here lies nothin' But the mountains of the past

[kenobi]

What a rollercoaster I am on. I've got my list in a row, and I'm completely capable of accomplishing it. I've gotten myself into school without help. I've paid for it without help. I crossed the country to start over and find a life i want to live with the promise of a couch and love for who I am. There is nothing I can't do without a little determination. Miracles aren't something that just happen, miracles are something people make happen. I could spend my days lamenting about the lack of help emotional, financially, and physically throughout my life, but I choose not to. I can consitently dwell on the things that were not done in my favor, but I don't. I would not be here without them. I cannot bring myself to be bitter over the moments that brought me to this room, to this house, to these people, to this hour. I am grateful for every last moment. Every last beating. Every last smile. Every last breath.

I thank whatever invisible force is at work for being alive when there were moments that could have ended me. I thank whatever diety reminded me that no matter what its up to me to turn around my life. Me, and only me. No one else owes me anything. No one else is obligated to clean up my mess. I thank those who have been with me every step of the way, offering their words of wisdom, aiding me on my path, and then leaving me to make decisions on my own proving my own self worth in the process. I'm just having a moment where I am overwhelmed by the mere idea of how many people believe in me and my capabilities.

And by george I will prove their faith right. Because I can. Because I owe it to myself to have their faith rewarded. To follow that dream, and then to share it. I will get there, wherever I am going with my chin held high. Because my friends believe in me, and most importantly because I finally believe in me. And because we both deserve to have that faith rewarded.

I can do this. If it means not going out as much. So be it. If it means not buying that dvd box set or spending that extra dollar at lunch. Then its what I have to do. I will get into school, and I will get a car. Because I can. Because I am capable. Each one of us is. You can either dwell on things that will never be, or learn to move on. Right now, I'm moving on. I am strong.

And by god I will have a car and the second draft of my novel done by the end of summer so help me.

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_jealousy_/]

*smootches*

LUV U!!!

[kenobi.livejournal.com]

/snuggles

love you

[npgmaverick.livejournal.com]

This post needs 2 b bronzed and hung on a wall. *love*

[kenobi.livejournal.com]

its part of whats in my heart and i will keep to it :) make you proud :)

[wrathofhon.livejournal.com]

You = awesome. :)

[kenobi.livejournal.com]

you = amazing

but such things should be known to all.

thank you for believing in me. I will make things happen <3

[shamafrog.livejournal.com]

awesome mandy indeed. I've enjoyed watching you come into your own, and look forward to excellent adventures with you!

[kenobi.livejournal.com]

You are so amazing, you are one of the key factors in making me believe i can do this. <3 I love you. So much. Thank you.

[veggiebelle.livejournal.com]

I love that you're seeing the amazingness of you. And you're even more amazing than you think.

LOVE YOU!

[kenobi.livejournal.com]

Oh pfft. You are amazing.

Thank you, once again, for providing me with this opportunity to come into my own. I would not be me, or who I am without you. I am ETERNALLY grateful for you. I would not be here without the amazingness of you.

When I cry from joy, its because of you. When I think of all the steps I've taken, its because you provided the ground work for me to take them. Without you and Nicole I wouldn't have stayed out here. I am eternally grateful for the ground work that the two of you laid down. I could not be the person I am today without that.

There is not enough vocabulary in the world to appreciate you, and all the things you've done for me. So I will simply leave it at: thank you, and I love you. From the tip of my toes to the bounce of my hair.

<3

[veggiebelle.livejournal.com]

Darling dear, it's a privilege to watch you grow into your amazingness, and I can't wait to see how your life and adventures unfold. Much love. Always.

[kenobi.livejournal.com]

*SQUISHY* LOVE! *SQUISH* LOVE

[qkellie.livejournal.com]

You are so awesome. I cannot tell you how brave and strong and incredible you are. I wish more people could use you as a role model. <3

[kenobi.livejournal.com]

My Katie is so awesome! I love you so dearly. <3

They could probably use me as a role model if they could see me better. Damn being so short. :)

[lizetta.livejournal.com]

I hope this doesn't sound too egotistical, but you remind me of me from 10 years ago. It's a god reminder, since I'm hoping to do it all over again.

[kenobi.livejournal.com]

I can only hope I come out as awesome as you did <3 I'm very proud and happy to know you. Thank you so much, you help me feel strong and capable.. and when I'm being stupid you are one of the first to jump on me which is something i'll always appreciate.

Love you.